Autumn
A husky voice inside my ear:
”It`s autumn little girl
It´s autumn and all the leaves get coloured!”
Oh shut up
The leaves are dying every autumn
They dress so lovely for eternity!
“But little girl,
you are also dressed as seeing a funeral!”
Oh shut up
I dress like I feel:
betrayed, gloomy
“Autumn will take you away.
Will free you, will colour you again!”
Little girl
Don`t cry you silly girl
Behave like you should at the age of 20
Don`t dream of childhood anymore.
You must be kidding
Telling me you wanna be four again.
Behave like you should at the age of 20.
Get rid of your childlike dreams and thoughts
Be grown up and understand
That you will never be able to let them come true
Behave like you should at the age of 20.
Don`t be that naiv you are
Think of your future
NOT of your past silly girl
Behave like you should at the age of 20.
And if I don`t want to?!
Two and a half of my life (5.10.2004)
Have you ever been
Deep down
To the darkest grounds
Of your soul?
Deep, deep down…
Her green eyes
Sparkling,
Her skin
So pale
But freckled.
I was, she sighed
I was, whispered she
And gave me a glance
- A knowing one.
For she had been there.
Love is blind,
that were her words.
I lost it all,
… them all
and in the end my will to live.
He was my sun,
My everything,
My downfall,
My total eclipse
Of the heart.
I tried to be his rock,
On sandy ground.
My shoulder was there
To cover all his tears.v
but he…
Betrayal was his answer.
Love is blind
Was what I experienced
for two and a half
I stayed and drowned
sorrow,
my heart burst
into pieces
I stayed and died
For two and a half.
sorrow,
made me slow and tired,
disordered my feelings
and I waited
for the final breakdown.
My will to live
Broke through again
With thousands of tears
And a
Roar of fury!
I broke out and
Found a cave
-Just for myself-
where my soul can recover
from all this pain and cruelty.
One last hope
That survived
-Time heals all wounds-